Why People-Pleasing is Draining You and How to Reclaim Your Authentic Self 💪
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly performing for others - your mates, your family, even your social media followers? Whether it’s worrying about how you come across in a uni group chat, what your lecturer thinks of your latest coursework, or whether your Instagram post hits the mark, it can feel like a never-ending cycle of second-guessing yourself.
Here’s the truth: trying to please everyone is exhausting, and it’s probably leaving you feeling more disconnected from yourself than ever. Let’s explore why this happens and how you can start breaking free.
The Problem with Living for Approval
Picture this: you’ve just made it through a full day of uni lectures, squeezed in a Pilates class to unwind, and now you’re wrapping up a work presentation or racing to meet a deadline. But instead of focusing on the task at hand, your mind keeps wandering.
Do my mates think my outfit at brunch was cool?
Did my lecturer think my coursework was good enough?
Am I coming across as calm and capable in this presentation?
It’s like no matter how much you achieve, you’re stuck questioning whether you’re doing enough—or being enough.
The big mistake here? You’re basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions. You’re stuck in a cycle of chasing external validation, whether it’s through social media likes, impressing your mates, or meeting your family’s expectations. But the truth is, this kind of approval will never bring you the peace you’re looking for.
Why People-Pleasing Leaves You Feeling Lost
When you live your life trying to meet other people’s expectations, you hand over your power. Instead of owning what makes you you, you mould yourself to fit what others want.
The constant pressure to perform - whether that’s nailing the perfect ‘chill but polished’ work vibe or posting an Insta-worthy brunch pic - disconnects you from your authentic self. You end up feeling anxious, drained, and unsure of what truly matters to you.
But here’s the thing: your true worth isn’t about how others see you. It’s about embracing what makes you unique, even if it doesn’t fit the mould.
How Therapy Can Help You Reconnect with Yourself
Therapy offers a space to unpack the noise and explore what feels genuinely good to you. It’s not about chasing approval or meeting expectations - it’s about:
Letting go of comparisons.
Challenging the ‘shoulds’ in your life.
Discovering what lights you up and aligns with your values.
At Wired Therapy, we work with young adults who are navigating the pressure to please others while trying to figure out who they really are. Together, we’ll untangle the habits keeping you stuck, tackle the hard stuff, and find ways to create a life that feels unapologetically yours.
One of our clients recently shared how they were constantly comparing themselves to their uni mates—stressing about what they were posting on socials and stretching themselves thin to join every bottomless brunch. It left them feeling anxious, behind, and unsure of their direction. Through therapy, they realised they could still enjoy time with friends without needing to perform or impress. They reconnected with what truly mattered to them, and it made all the difference.
Start Living Authentically
Does this sound familiar? If you’re tired of the anxiety that comes with people-pleasing and want to start living authentically, therapy might be the next step. At Wired Therapy, we offer a relaxed, creative space to help you build a life that feels like your own.
Drop us a message to learn more about how we can help. With sliding scale fees, we make therapy accessible, because everyone deserves to live a life that feels real and fulfilling.
