Are you stuck of people-pleasing? Here’s how to find your true self ✨
Ever feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to fit in with your mates, family, or even your uni group? You’re definitely not alone. So many of us get caught in the cycle of people-pleasing - saying “yes” to things we don’t want to do just to keep the peace. Let’s explore why this happens, how it impacts you, and a simple way to start reconnecting with the real you.
The Pressure to Fit In
Imagine this: you’ve just smashed your Barre class and are now at brunch with your friends (avo toast, of course). Everyone’s chatting about weekend plans, and while you’re nodding along and smiling, inside, you’re thinking, “I don’t even want to go on that night out. I’d rather curl up at home with a book and a blanket.”
But instead of saying it, you agree to go. Why? Maybe you don’t want to seem boring or risk upsetting anyone. It’s like there are two versions of you:
The one who knows what really makes you happy.
The one who feels like they have to fit in with everyone else’s expectations.
And let’s be honest: living like that is exhausting.
Why People-Pleasing Feels So Draining
You might think the solution is to speak up more or get better at saying “no.” But the real issue runs deeper. Over time, constantly trying to please others can make you lose touch with what you actually want.
You’ve probably become so good at blending into different social settings - whether it’s with uni mates, work colleagues, or your family on a Sunday roast - that you don’t even notice how often you’re putting your needs second. And when you’re not being true to yourself, it’s hard not to feel frustrated, burnt out, or just a bit...lost.
A Simple Way to Reconnect with Yourself
Here’s a quick exercise to help you tune back into the real you:
Spend five minutes journaling in the evening - maybe after your Barre class or just before bed.
Reflect on your day by asking:
What moments made me feel most like me?
Was it when I talked about a new show I’m loving or when I finally wore that bold outfit I’d been second-guessing?
Jot these down and look for patterns over time.
The more you notice those authentic moments, the easier it becomes to understand what genuinely makes you happy.
What If People Don’t Like the Real You?
We get it - you might be thinking, “If I stop people-pleasing, will my friendships take a hit?” It’s a scary thought, but here’s the truth: the relationships that truly matter won’t crumble when you start being yourself.
If you’re always saying “yes” to plans you don’t enjoy - like a big group dinner when all you want is a quiet night in - you’re more likely to feel resentful than connected. The people who care about you will appreciate the real you, and when you show up as your authentic self, those relationships will be stronger for it.
Time to Start Putting Yourself First?
If you’re fed up with feeling stuck in the people-pleasing cycle, we can help. At Wired Therapy, we support young adults dealing with anxiety, loneliness, and figuring out who they really are. With sliding scale fees, therapy is accessible, because everyone deserves to feel at home in their own skin.
Complete our simple referral form here and we can chat about how we can help you take the first step towards living authentically - without faking it.
